movedd (:



"Dear Ms Lim
Congratulations; University of Surrey has asked us to tell you that it is offering you a place for International Hospitality and Tourism Management (3 or 4 years), N230; starting in September 2008 at point of entry 1.
The conditions of the offer are:

This offer is subject to you obtaining

Obtain at least 280 UCAS Tariff points excluding General Studies and key skills."

wow.



i'm not living the way i want to. all i need is time to condition myself. in order to be truly empowered and confident of what i am doing.



it is time to force myself out of the denial state and 31st december is the best time to do so. i actually pissed a number of people of while whining and sharing. i was just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. the question of "why should i take the initiative to share?" keeps popping in my head. plainly, i just don't want to grow up. i know what is the right thing to do and i don't want to take it up. maybe i am simply seeking attention. i want people to guide me, tell me what to do when i should be guiding others at this stage.

sylvia was totally confused at the end of 2006. sylvia was totally suicidal at the end of 2007. she felt better by the next year but the difference was that in 2007, she did not receive that much help and she took much longer to recover from the breakdown. even though i was the one who rejected help, some people didn't even wanted to hear me out. i am so puzzled over why they treat me this way. think, i am just a lousy friend to have. i actually achieved what i set out for this year. i think i was doing pretty well even like after prelims. but i guess things just screwed up like right after As. maybe it was ah gong's death. maybe it was yv. maybe it was just me. i lost faith. in almost everything. friendship. even volunteering. and most importantly, myself. thank goodness i still believe in kinship and mayday. i no longer know where i stand. i don't know how much am i playing in my friends' life. it's not that i am trying to be their world, just that if i'm so pointless to them, perhaps, i should just stop disturbing them.

"always believe in yourself" - miss yew wei zhen. although i truly understand how powerful self-confidence is now, i still think i suck to the core. but at least i believe in change now. the key, is not to think about myself. i always attempt to be philosophical but end up confusing myself and cannot move on. (thanks, miss lim for that msg. i was right to msg you cos you can simply see through people and know what i need most to move on.)

i am not as happening as mayday who had every single day PACKED. so i shall just recap impt events by month.
jan
- orientation + wearing my old rv uniform <3
- end of yvip 2006; the yv that i experienced the greatest change
- left hcco
feb
- my best valentine's day idea of stickers (;
mar
- end of huangcheng 2007; forever a huang cheng ren
- screwed up blocs 1
- svc ubin teambuilding trip; my run-away
apr
- rvco, gwh <3; our music
may
- x
- ace'07
- phantom of the opera; absolutely imba
- class cip; ice cream sales
- k810i
jun
- svc training / trilogy
- JUMP!-ed with mayday <33; our first concert
- LIFE 4; first ocip
- JUMP! shirt <33
- screwed up blocs 2
jul
- jc co syf; meeting rvco-mates
- harry potter and the order of the phoenix; cousin's outing
- olympic dream
- x
- JUMP! CD; 私奔到月球
- rvic installation
- yeye joins mama (:
aug
- family genting holiday; learning the point of traveling
- eighteenth birthday
- finally focusing on studies
sep
- prelims
- first OD'08 meeting
- lim's first third generation marriage
oct
- post prelims; the most important lesson learned
nov
- A levels
- fainting
- slaying the biology monster
- i so love funerals; ah gong's wake
- kukup family trip
dec
- prom; our last
- yvip 2007
- my first job
- my first policy

i want my optimism back. i swear that i will fuse that in me and never let it go ever again. with that, my heart and passion will stay with me for good. i want to love 2008 just like how ashin loved his 2007, our 2007.

time is running out. sylvia won't be in denial. sylvia won't lose faith in herself. sylvia will keep exploring like how she used to. sylvia won't be mean to her friends.

grow up, sylvia. rape 2008.


突然很想见到你 倒数之后 日升之前 五月天2008第一场演唱会